Category Archives: Tecknokalities

no. 555 – Winding Down or Winding Up?

You all are just trying to mess with my head now, aren’t you? I really did not make the Holiday Card Exchange confusing…

You send me your address. I send you my address.

You send me a card. I send you a card.

Ta-DA!!

You only have to add one more card to your pile; however I will have to add oodles. And I actually do write something in the card! Not just my name! It’s awwwwwwesome, dude! Bring out the exclamation points!

Now send me your address. Quit stalling and being all nambypamby. You know I’m talking to YOU.

I think I’ll set the cut-off date to get your address to me for November 30th since I would like to get the international cards sent out early December, which may reach those of you celebrating Hanukkah a bit late…(sorry about that).

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Rumor has it that I closed down this blog. Not so. I decided to devote the majority of my blogging energy to TKO during the month of November. It was important to me to keep myself from feeling too scattered at this time and while others went the route of NaBloPoMo, I went the opposite, since posting every day wasn’t a challenge. The challenge was to leave this site for one month, and as you can see, I wasn’t able to meet said challenge.

I’ll be back in December. For how long after that still is yet to be seen.

no. 528 – Google Searches Are Fun And Filling

“what if the dude doesnt know if he got sperm in me should i check to see if im pregnant cause my period was late”

The Dude? You knocked it out with Jeff Bridges? Just a tip (haha! get it?! just a “tip”), the key is to use search words, not search paragraphs.

“boobs picture prom studded halter top floral bottom falling out”

Is this an a attempt at a haiku? Remember 5-7-5. For example:

Boobs in studded top

Prom pictures halter bottom

Floral falling out

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ETA: I’m on my way to The Metro to give out autographs. My headshots never showed up in the mail. At least I get to do a little window shopping.

Yes,the above is code. Sheeeesh! You need to keep up!

no. 484 – Harry Who?

HARRY POTTER: EUPHEMISM . . .  OR NOT?

I know how The Book ends because today on the morning radio show one of the speakers said he only read the last chapter and announced how it ended. I wasn’t at all bothered by the spoiler since I have taken no interest in the past 352 HP books, so I couldn’t imagine doing so now…unless of course Harry was able to impregnate a tribe of infertile truffle fairies so they can go about providing the world with an unlimited supply (of truffles, that is, not truffle fairy babies). Only then would I extend some curiosity about that knobby wand of his.

CRINKLY EXAM PAPER IS THE DEVIL’S T.P.

Hivesleftup Today I saw another professional about my hives. Yes, they are still a part of my life, if not on a daily – most certainly weekly – occurrence. I know that it’s been 8 weeks and 1 day from whence they first presented since they decided to debut the day I had my first positive pregnancy test from the last donor IUI. In that time, I have seen four medical personnel about the hives with today’s visit being the fifth. Dr. I-Have-A-Cold-So-I-Won’t-Shake-Your-Hand-But-Will-Get-All-In-Your-Face-To-Look-Up-Your-Nose (Dr. IHACSIWSY H. BWGAIYF-TLUYN (I think he must be from Botswana…) was kind and listened to what I thought may be a far-fetched theory on my hives.

Would you like to hear it?

HivesrightupI told him that my hives were considerably worse during the beginningslashend of my last pregnancy, hopped up on progesterone (remember? My P4 was 98?), and even though they appeared off and on over the next few weeks, they again flared the week before last…which was the end of a successive cycle, which is when the body’s supply of progesterone should be at its highest.

See? I have the pictures to prove it. [Ass cheek! Ass cheek! Yes, I know. Shut up.]

Maybe I’m allergic to my own body’s natural progesterone. Maybe?

They did a rast test for sesame since that was the delivery system of my PIO. If I still am getting hives by the middle of August, they will order in some progesterone for testing. He didn’t think the theory was impossible, and he has had patients with confirmed allergies to certain chemistry makeup of their own bodies. Who knows? I guess I don’t have much to lose and since my uterus is twiddling its tubes waiting for a donor, I’d rather rule out the very slim chance now rather than later when I find out that "implanting" an embryo there gets the same kind of result as throwing some frozen fries into a boiling vat of oil. FAzizzle.

HAVE YOU GOT ANYTHING WITHOUT SPAM IN IT?

I have recently been inundated with spam through TypePad. Some of you have mentioned the same. Today I received this comment from "Visitor690" in my inbox through one of my old posts:

"I have visited your site 852-times"

I replied:

"Good for you."

Unfortunately, but not unexpectedly, there was a failure in the delivery of that response.

I do believe that I actually have had someone visit my blog that often. Their IP address starts with 65.123.188.xxx. Want to know if its you? Then I suggest you check out this site.

no. 426 – (knock-knock) “Ousekeeeping!”

Instead of vacuuming or folding laundry, I am pissing away my time with some blog housekeeping.

First off, I am relieved to announce that the twats that stole the safe and left it on our property were apprehended in Oklahoma. The deputy showed up this past weekend to let us know that after the couple, male/female and meth-heads, stole the credit cards and cash from the safe, they headed off to WalMart to buy some necessities (cold medicine? methane? battery acid? who the fuck knows) and in a moment of shiny brilliance used the stolen cards. Smile for the camera, you dumbshits.

I’ve changed my categories, once again. Up next is A.R.T. cycle # 9. Let the good times roll!

Beagle had a dickens of a time posting a comment to my last post, but she gave me this little gem for the next time someone thinks they are putting me in my place when I announce, "I only have one kid."

"We got it right the first time."

It’s got to happen sooner or later, right? I have that class Mon-Thurs.

Anyone else having problems with comments? Email me.

Sooooo-ooo-o, did you notice that pretty new badge I have (I ask sheepishly, scuffing my toe in the dirt)? Some Goody-Two-Shoe Slut nominated me for Best Parenting Blog.

Now before you get all envious or guffaw at the sheer improbability of it all, she nominated only a couple hundred other bloggers for the same award. It’s all a ploy, of course. She nominates all these men and women, who in turn reciprocate and vote for her, thereby increasing her rank on the poll. She’s a pretty smart cookie (and gut-splitting funny). However, I don’t want to be the one to inform her that the prize is not going to be a Park Ranger’s Uniform, which is an unfounded rumor and probably started by her husband.

I don’t expect you to go over and vote for me, but I guess if you happen to be there and you happen to have an account and you happen to be voting for some of your other favorites who actually deserve the honor, you might as well…(Type in "TKO" without the periods in the search box to find me. That way you don’t have to go through 980 pages of nominations.)

Thinkingbloggerpf8 Speaking of humbling experiences (really? when?), both Heather and Pamela Jeanne nominated me for the Thinking Blogger’s Award. While the award is the product of a meme, instead of "tagging" five more blogs, I just want to say that all the blogs I read make me think or else I wouldn’t read them. Many of you know I’m there by my comments. I’m not trying to say that having me comment is of more importance than a TBA, but, well . . . you know? Remember, it is a meme. Maybe I can create a badge for the IBWOIVFIC (eye-bu-whu-eye-vee-fic), which would represent those Infertile Bitches With Out IVF Insurance Coverage? I shall give it some pondering. Thank you Heather and Pamela Jeanne. I may sound flip, but really I am quite flattered.

Damn. There was something else I wanted to mention, but it’s completely slipped my mind.

Oh! Just remembered. My scab fell off. Ok, it didn’t fall off. I picked it off on Saturday. The edges kept snagging on my pants.

no. 361 – Housekeeping

I’ve been doing some housekeeping on my blog. I took away the categories because some of you are busy getting pregnant and birthing babies and then many of you were in multiple categories and of course let’s not forget to factor in my laziness.

So there.

Please, if you see your link, make sure it goes to your site. I was starting to get a little cross-eyed. If you do not see your link, well then, it has to be because you need to let me know you have a blog you would like me to add. Simple, no?

****** UPDATED: Apparently, the only "simple" thing around here is me. As Statia pointed out, many of the links came back to me. Trust me, the fuck-up was unintentional. ****************

I was also busy with my own categories as I felt the quirky titles were fine for me, but they hardly do visitors much good. I’ve been busy. It does help that a winter storm, with snow! mind you finally came to fruition. It kept me from running into town for shopping and errands, but it also kept X inside as he attempts to replace every one of my professionally dyed, blond hair with either gray, dark gray, and white strands of limpless locks.

Catching up on my reading this weekend was a simple joy, however I need to point out some special people who could use a little extra attention and encouragement. Trish found out that her Dad has prostate cancer; and then there’s Kellie’s Dad has now had his foot amputated and his hospital stay continues with no easily apparent end in sight. And finally both Alexa and Dr. Spouse are having to hold out over long weekends for Tuesday to arrive with some definitive news.

no. 338 – My aHA! Moment

Since I had an "extra" BlogSpot account that was linked to my TKO profile, I decided to use that as my experiment. There are no posts tied to it. It was created when I moved to typepad as a way of linking everyone to the new site and not my Knocked Up…Then Knocked Down place.

I took that and turned to the dark beta side of Blogger. I had to do a little song and dance because it wanted me to use my Google email account, but it let me go ahead with my yahoo one instead.

THEN . . . and only then, was I finally able to leave a comment with someone who has beta Blogger. They make you sign in with your email address, not your display name (which you set up in the afore mentioned hoops). So make sure if you do this that you are positive what you want your display name to look like ’cause that’s it.

So if you don’t want to change over to the beta, but the only thing you have is your original Blogger site, you might want to create a "dummy" account so you can start posting comments again. This must be Blogger’s way of forcing everyone’s hand since the beta has pretty much sucked from the moment it was released and those who weren’t sucked into it originally is now being blown.

. . . no offense to any of you who may absolutely L.O.V.E. the beta product.

no. 337 – There’s Been A Great Disturbance in the Force

Not only has TypePad been a little unruly lately, Blogger still haunts my attempts to blog.

If you have the beta Blogger and you noticed lil ole me hanging out, more than likely I have tried to comment but Blogger will not recognize me with my old Knocked Up account info; nor with my newer TKO account info so I haven’t been able to offer what little wit or comfort I may possess. Plus, it won’t let me even if I try anonymously or as "Other". I have no idea what the problem is so if someone out there can confirm that it’s not me, it’s Blogger, I would feel so much better about myself.

And on a very serious note, I have to say I am very sorry to see that Karen from Naked Ovary has succumbed to the jackals of the internet and closed up her blog. Whether you agreed with her views or not, no one should have to take that kind of virtual abuse. It makes me sad that she’s gone, but it really makes me even more sad knowing that there are people out there, and lots of them, who feel good about themselves because of it.

no. 335 – PSA. Yes, Another One

Sooo…..you remember where I mentioned because of my sidebar, some of you were having problems getting into comments?

Well, apparently it’s TypePad and for some reason some IP addresses are being blocked as spam. When I opened a help ticket , they thought it was possibly because I had blocked either some words or IP addresses. Yes, I do have three IP addresses blocked including the psycho-troll from N. Jersey that had wreaked havoc on Tertia’s site. But that doesn’t explain why for those of you who commented not long ago now can’t.

The "Help" desk wants me to get the IP addresses of those who can’t comment (which I thought was rather presumptuous of them that you would all want to find out what your IP address is and THEN email it to me). Seems like a lot of work when the only reward is finally getting to comment here . . .

If you are one of those being spammed out and you are NOT selling penis enlargers, stock in q-tips, or pleading with me to contact your deceased father’s bank in some foreign country because the government is has frozen all of his assets, feel free to send me an email with your IP address so I can prove to TP that it’s them and not me.

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P.S. I should mention that Mr. DD doesn’t have a "wanker sore" but that he has a "sore wanker", but didn’t think that had the same flow considering my son’s observation.

‘Nuff said.

no. 333 – PSA (Not The Prostate Kind, Either)

You may have noticed my site looks a little…barren (I’ve tried to tell it to relax, but I just get these dirty looks…), but I was notified that some of you have had problems getting into the comments so I removed any outside links, which seem to add "static" to the site. I haven’t deleted any of your links because of some personal issue, so please don’t fret.

I will bring back one at a time, my side-bar links to see which one is the offending culprit, so for those of you who did note the problem I’m now holding you personally responsible to make sure it is working appropriately. No pressure.

This process may take a while as I’m feeling a little overwhelmed. By work, by the Holidays and of course personally. It seems as if overnight, several irons have been arranged by the fire and I’m not sure which one to put in first. All I do know is that it will probably be solely my responsibility to make sure the fire stays stoked.

Conversation last night at supper:

X: I have a anker sore in my mouth.

DD: You mean a canker sore? (residual ghost pains from the HFMD, I’m sure)

X: Yeah, a anker sore.

Mr. DD: Huh, that’s funny. I have a wanker sore.

no. 289 – BlogSpot PSA and Bloggity Love

For those of you who have Blogger, if you haven’t switched over to Blogger Beta yet, for the love of all that is holy – DON’T DO IT!

I swear there are like a bazillion pop-ups when you want to post a comment:

"Are you sure you want to see the unsecured items?"

"Are you really, really sure?"

"Are you positive, ’cause only fools are positive?"

"Are you sure your comment is really as insightful/funny as you want it to be?"

"Are you sure you put your underwear on correctly this morning (yes, I did!)?"

And if you are lucky enough to get past all the pop-ups for security, make sure you have copied your comment first, because the likelihood getting an error is 50/50, which means you have to start all over.

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I was over at Rachel’s and we have decided to go trick-r-treating together. Don’t you just love the idea for our costumes?

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Little LL was born Friday to MM. I certainly hope the birth-story wasn’t as hair-raising as her pregnancy-story. Make sure to congratulate her and her family. *smooches* MM!

no. 266 – Yahoo! Yourself, Buddy

Does anyone else out there think that Yahoo! has gotten a little too big for their britches? I’d like to know what MIT reject got the job of redesigning the site that includes a pop-up ad that just as you are placing the cursor in your log on box, it appears at the top of your screen shifting everything down at least one inch making your carefully placed mouse end up in no-wheres land.

Also, the animated ads? What the hell? It’s bad enough to watch the silhouetted woman in the trench coat carefully balance her way across a roof, but those "dancers" are really getting on my last nerve. What exactly do a one-armed-Alicia-Keyes-look-alike and a Solid Gold dancer have to do with refinancing a mortgage? I just want an email account that doesn’t take 5 minutes to load. You know, like GMail…

And while I’m doing some bitching whining about technical crap (and related to GMail), please, for the love of pete! if you are truncating your site, AND you have Blogger, it’s like putting up a barbed-wire fence around your posts! I want to read them, I really do, but when Blogger is being temperamental and you have truncated, I miss out.

And you know, it IS all about me!

no. 253 – Official Notice

This is to hereby serve notice that on Monday, August 28th, 2006, this site will go password protected.

I will provide the password to anyone who requests it either via comment or email to ddknockedup@yahoo.com. This information may be shared amongst other confirmed bloggers upon request.

I will also try to send out a mass email with the information since I know many do not check here on a regular basis.

The lock-down will be temporary (approximately 1 – 3 months) and you will know why at that time.

This notice is subject to withdrawal or change, but with notice. I apologize up front for any inconvenience this may cause and I regret the loss of any readers. Your continued support, even in silence, is incredibly important to me.

no. 246 – Comments

Riddle me this:

Do you feel that once you become a regular commenter, that you feel obligated to comment on each post even if the post really doesn’t speak to you on any visceral level? Yes, you can use my blog as an example. No, I won’t be offended.

Does anyone find it completely ridiculous that a blog post about Crocs would garner 260+ comments? Especially if it’s only two sentences long?

What is it about me that you would like to know more about? What would you like to know less about?

If you were to offer me suggestions of improvement, what would they be?

Anything less than blunt honesty will be met with me pummeling you virtually with my hot pink Crocs.