Weary

I’m sitting at a the kitchen table, the house an absolute disaster area: cheese from last night’s cheese burgers is smeared into the table’s surface; dead flies I have killed with the swatter and swept to the floor lay with their legs up; a pile of last year’s school projects and papers are awaiting filing and photographing; and toys litter the house like they fell from the sky.

I am so very tired. Literally. I’ve been getting up before the crack of dawn (insert joke here for those who know me) so I can be at the office by 6:00 a.m. to put in about seven hours of work, taking pictures of kids who don’t want their pictures taken. My co-workers all happen to be hardcore Christians who always seem to say inappropriate and racial things while in the privacy of the car we travel in. Today the one was saying how she had caught a few minutes of the Miss Universe and how one contestant, Miss Mexico, didn’t even look Mexican! *gasp!* While I don’t have any preconceptions how Miss Mexico might look, I am not sure what my co-worker is thinking. Dark hair. Dark eyes. I wonder…is it because she’s….I don’t know….PRETTY or SMART?? Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Or how about this one: the other co-worker mentioned how Ann Coultier said that Obama wasn’t Muslim – he’s Atheist! *gasp!* I made the “mistake” of saying I wouldn’t give a shit if he was Wiccan; what difference does it make?? Oh you would think I had just cursed the wee baby Jesus to hell in a handbasket. *double gasp!*

Sigh.

The day gives me lots of time to think, but not to make notes or draft or even read, just think. I think about my post on Doodicus. I wonder if I am making a big deal of nothing. Maybe all eight year olds are this neurotic, which is to say maybe he’s not at all neurotic and that it’s just me expecting too much from him.

Is it normal for him to cry when his sister tears up his fundraising brochure he brought home from school? Is it normal for him to be terrified of the sound of wind blowing at night? Is it normal that he sees “then” instead of “when” and “through” instead of “thought” and not even stop to think about whether the sentence makes sense when he reads out loud the wrong word?

With all the thinking I do about it, I realize it won’t be long and he’ll be a teenager and completely influenced by anyone but his parents. If we can’t get this right now, will we all suffer the consequences?

I am tired.

of thinking

of worrying

of hoping if it’s hopeless

of fighting for what’s right and fighting to BE right

of being tired

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10 thoughts on “Weary”

  1. Oh, giant hugs.

    I have no advice about D, but I can tell you that my (almost-nine) year old boy can work himself into hissy fits that leave his five year old sister staring in quiet amazement.

    (My husband and I have also put ourselves in time out, where we can mutter ‘DRAMA QUEEN!’ and there’s no chance he’ll hear us….)

  2. Not on fire hit it right on the head.

    You have just described all three of my boys between the ages of 7 and about 11. Then they move on to another phase. (not worse, just different)

    Do you have access to testing in your area for ADD or dyslexia? If so, it would be well worth your while to try that. A kid that is struggling with reading comprehension gets frustrated, and the frustration leads to anger and more frustration and typically teary meltdowns.

    Oh, and your co-workers are shitheads. I had to work with a bible thumpin Christian for about 8 years and right before I left I had the opportunity (in the break room with our other coworkers that were sick of her self righteous attitude…and veiled bigotry) to ask her why it seems like people that seem to claim to be Christians are so NONACCEPTING of people. I went on to say that I had always thought that being a Christian meant being Christ like and I was pretty damn sure that he didn’t think that *blacks* were all lazy and on welfare, and that not all people that didn’t go to church 2-3 times a week were heathens.
    You could have heard a pin drop while we all were waiting for her response. She just got up and told me she would pray for me (guess I need it) and all of my co-workers told me they owed me lunch for saying what they had wanted to say FOREVER.

  3. Gawd, I’ve been sitting here for the past 5 minutes trying to figure out what to say. I got nothing. No experience with an 8 year old. I would be as annoyed with your coworkers as you are. And I hate hearing you sound so tired. Here’s hoping you get some rest soon.

    Hugs.

  4. ah chickadee, if raising kids were easy there’d be a stinkin manual written about it.

    I can’t help with Doodicus because it’s been forever since I was anywhere near an 8 year old, but I can so relate to being tired of being tired. It’s draining on every facet of your life it sucks royally and there is always tomorrow.

    Your coworkers are twats never ceases to amaze me that those that claim religion as their hearts work can be so unchristian and who said jesus was blonde with blue eyes born in the “right” suburb? my SIL is just like them and all i can do is maintain the nod and smile until she stops tainting my aura and leaves the state.

    PS. you detwittered me *gasp* is it because I … I … I don’t twitter? how rude lol.

    1. Aw, Jen. I would never detwit anyone. It’s not like I follow five thousand people…that being said, I’ll go check it out. I’m under a new name so maybe when I made the change?

  5. Oh dear friend I truly have no words of wisdom. Is it okay to comiserate? “tired of thinking…. tired of fighting for what’s right…” Word.

    As for the Doodicus….. I work with individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities.. including people dual diagnosed (intellectually disabled – mentally ill). I’m always the first to say get tested, use formal diagnoses to force school systems to do what they’re supposed to (IEPs, etc.) I don’t want to distribute assvice… I know you’re doing everything you possibly can. You’re an amazing mother, my dear. There mere fact that you stop to think about all of this as often as you do is testiment to that!

  6. Before I sound too horrible, I love my son. He is generally a smart and great kid, but…

    I have an eight year old boy and it is amazing how much he cries. The riping of a lego magazine or a missing toy can lead to loud and long tears. He is generally clueless about others. He can lie in an instant if he wants it to be true or it will help him avoid a chore. He often has injuries just before a chore would start. (I am on to this one now.) He is externally motivated, which means that he wants to know what is in it for him.

    I understand that perspective is not until 9 or 10. 8 is sometimes not that much fun.

  7. My niece used to cry a lot…I think when things get overwhelming and kids aren’t quite equipped to deal with them, that’s how they respond. It might be a maturity level or it might be a personality aspect of the child. And you’ve already said he’s got ADHD, so it’s not much wonder that he skims words and assumes they’re something other than they are.

    I hope you can get a break – because that kind of weary isn’t solved by sleep.

  8. I haven’t been in your shoes (but in six years expect me to be asking you lots about 8 year old kids) but I have been tired of being tired and that SUCKS. I hope you find some peace soon.

    And I know I don’t “know” you or your family and I only see bits through your blog but I feel like I have at least a small idea of what your family is like and I think you worry because you ARE a good Mother. You want him to do well and excel. I think that he will be fine.

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