Googling

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These are some of my favorite key-word searches that show up in my statcounter. I wanted a way to keep track of them and enjoy forever and ever. Amen.

As of November 9, 2007:

• stripper poll [I thought that was my play on words? I think you were looking for "pole", no? idiot.]
• you put the cold medicine tips of matches battery acid [I’m pretty sure there’s a better way to clear your sinuses]
• who got pregnant with one follicle an an iui [uh, yep, that’d be me. most people can do it without the iui part, but they are bastards, every one of them]
• holding a lemon to avoid motion sickness [ooops! excuse me and the water that just got snorted out of my nose, but you’d look ridiculous on a cruise ship]
• i am alive can’t you see my picture in posted on the pole [brain…hemorrhage…]
• one embie fet [please, stop using the word "embie". It’s not a real word!]
• top model expensive donor eggs [sorry, my eggs are not for sale]
• why you shouldn’t use the same needle twice ivf [oh for chrissakes! really? you have to ask this? you have to google this?! It’s not like the clinics don’t supply enough needles! I swear it’s an 14 to 1 ratio of needles to syringes!]
• cougar wearing spanx [you are weird, sir]
• fucking infertility fertiles [welcome to the club, sista!]
• odds of a 4th miscarriage [frankly, I thought it would be impossible, right before my fourth miscarriage…]
• muffin top belly pics [great…wonder whose facebook I’ll end up on…]
• boobs at prom [is this a question or the answer?]

As of October 15, 2007:

• fet butt pictures [did you mean "feet" as I’m sure that would make wa-aa-ay more sense]
• retro muffle haircut [was their ever a time when a muffle was in enough to be retro? wait a sec. what’s muffle?]

OLDER

• You’re killing me inside with everything you say; I know I have to keep this a secret from you. Don’t mak[e me come over there and throw a cream pie in your face!] Wow!
• clear dogs nose hard bugars [maybe they meant burgler…yeah, because that would make way more sense]
• how to stalk someone [Check Barnes and Noble]
• vaseline hangover [No. Way.]
• toxic uterus [Yep, that’s my name. Don’t wear it out.]
• fluffy lining mm [I’m assuming you mean "mm" as in "millimeter", not "mm-mmmm good!"]
• iui baby less smart [depends on whether or not Mom and Dad are less smart]
• ultrasound pregnant bitches 5 weeks what to expect [if you call them a bitch to their faces, expect to get punched in the face]
• i know i am pregnant why won’t the tests show positive i have been pregnant 3 times before [denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, sweetie]
• why the hell am i not pregnant [aren’t you glad you could find ALL your answers here?!
• pregnant swollen stirrups doctor moan [uh…what?! that’s just creepy!]
• nobody good likes me [ugh. I’m the eighth result of that search. how depressing]
• one lovely lady [now THAT’S more like it!]

At Least I Can Still Create Something With My Hands

I really don’t have enough distractions. I wish it was spring so I could be outside planting, trimming, mowing, something…anything! Of course, I should mention that I find that the housework never ends, especially when there are two male of the species living under the same roof. I swear to god if I sit down on the toilet again and feel a wet spot because BOTH are too damn lazy to lift the ring, I’m going to pull the damn thing off and force it over their friggin heads and let them wear that around for a while!

Tonight, my son went to bed at 7:30 and was asleep by 8:00. He’s got a slight fever and said his stomach hurts. Please don’t let me find him encrusted in vomit tomorrow morning…

Mr. DD awoke at 5:00 a.m. with some mystery malady or another, too, and was asleep by 8:30. I took advantage of the quiet and cleaned up the kitchen and started some laundry and now I’m rewarding myself with some blogging. I have even found myself hooked on etsy.com (curse you, Beagle!) in the hopes of finding some quaint items for MY family’s Christmas gifts. The in-laws? I’ve had their gifts since last Christmas. Some call it re-gifting. I call it taking advantage of the resources available to me. So there.

Other projects have included my window seat. If you recall I bought a piece of who-knows-what to use as a bench under the huge window next to the dining table. Well, the other day my husband acquired several pieces of old furniture and storage drawers from a local jewelry store that had built a shiny new place so all the old and mismatched cabinets were auctioned or given away.

Two of the pieces Mr. DD showed up with were some cabinets that separated into two pieces: one had 10 drawers and the 20-drawer set sat on top of it (I think it was probably made that way due to size??). Each piece was handmade and in fact on the bottom of one of the drawers I found handwritten in pencil “Dewey Persons & Freddie Letheby Mar 24-1954”. I have yet to google their names.

Here is what the 10-drawer cabinet looked like upon delivery. The stain was mohogany that had patinaed to almost black, but each drawer was perfect in condition and very clean. So last weekend, I sanded the stain off (the pictures show most of the old stain on it but once I added the new stain, I didn’t like the results so I had to re-sand them) so that there was just a little left to define the grain of the wood. Then I went out and had some blue stain mixed.

Yes. Blue stain.

We stained the entire cabinet and added several coats of varnish and then went to pick out new handles since I didn’t like the little wooded knobs. We poured over the selections and brought a few home to see what they would look like, but nothing fit. Mr. DD then came across some old, mismatched dooor knobs I had used on a different project years ago and rigged them so he could attach them to the drawer fronts and voila’!

I would like to find some upholstery fabric in some kind of fun novelty print and have a pad covered with it, but once that’s done, I think it’ll look fab if I do say so myself. The drawers will be used to store XBoy’s extensive coloring and activity books, plus maybe some of my landscaping books as well.

As for the 20-drawer cabinet, I think that since this coming weekend is suppose to be nice here in Nebraska, I’ll get that sanded and prepped to turn into toy storage for XBoy’s room, effectively eliminating three separate and mismatched storage bins.

Gosh. With all these projects, I can’t believe how the time has flown!

Yes, I’m being sarcastic.